It’s breaking my heart… Yesterday, two pastors I know and love shared that they are being bullied, and that their congregations will not hold these people accountable. Why? For the most part holding others accountable is not “how we do things around here” in Lutheran churches. It’s not part of our culture. Want to stop it? Want a healthy congregation? Want to be sure it doesn’t happen to you? Let’s talk solutions.
Conflict The problem is that we tend to focus on the symptoms we are experiencing, the conflict on the surface, as opposed to taking a deep dive into the systemic challenges underneath it. We need to stop putting “Band-Aids” on situations with conflict training and “peace talks”. They can be helpful, but ONLY if we have addressed systemic issues. Most churches and consultants don’t do that.
What is at the core behind much of our church conflict? The greatest challenge that sits at the core of much of the church’s conflict, is that our churches tend to function as boundary-less systems with little to no accountability resulting in power struggles and chaos. Ultimately people get hurt. Often times, it’s the same song, second verse, worse than the first. All because we don’t tend to the systemic challenges beneath the surface.
What are some examples of systemic challenges beneath the water line?
1. Bylaws: For many congregations, bylaws are vague and sparse and only discuss the organization of the Board. They do not tell what they do, how they do it, and they contain no accountability process. A lack of bylaws lets people “make stuff up” and there can be a fairly intense desire for it not to be defined.
2. Structure: There are often no clear lines of command and a lack of clarity around structures, leaving the system in some ways “out of control”. Authority, accountability and responsibility are often not in alignment for staff, council, committees, and individuals. We see this when the congregation holds the Pastor responsible for a failing youth program, but the pastor does not have full authority over the youth director and the program. It often looks like “shared” supervision and leadership with the youth board and church council. Who is responsible, accountable, consulted, or informed in the system and about what?
3. Maturity: Too many churches are desperate for someone to fill a seat on their church council or committees instead of only using mature Christians for church leadership. We have a culture of voting people in, like a democracy, when the church is a theocracy. It’s not how long “Marge” has sat in the peus, it’s about Marge’s everyday relationship with Jesus and continued spiritual transformation in her life. Changing the number of people on the church council, determining Christian maturity requirements for leadership, or eliminating committees are structural issues dealt with in the hearts of your people and concretely in your constitution and bylaws. Churches with spiritually mature and emotionally intelligent leaders have a heart and ears for the Holy Spirit. If FEELS different and it FUNCTIONS differently. I have had the privilege of working in a church that has done so and currently attend one that does. My experience has been that it has yielded respect, trust, creativity, and risk-taking.
4. Poor Boundaries, often the source of conflict. Boundaries: Many church organizations have little to no boundaries, and thus no accountability, causing constant struggles for power and control. The struggle for power and control has created conflict, and that conflict has resulted in emotional pain for many. What are the functions of boundaries?
Boundaries:·
- Define and give purpose·
- Give focus·
- Define beginnings and endings·
- Set limits·
- Establish the space between·
- Differentiate (i.e. what’s inside vs. outside, self from others, person from role, etc.)·
- Allow individuals and stakeholders to hold each other accountable. Without boundaries, there is no accountability.
“When boundaries are not clear or are constantly violated in an organization, the organization is no longer safe for its stakeholders; space and responsibility get to be defined by everyone and no one. Chaos and uncertainty accompany boundary breakdown, and growth or expansion are perilous unless this domain is addressed. Differences cannot be tolerated or worked until boundaries are managed. (Gaffney, 2006) “Irrationality increases as boundary management decreases.” Earl T. Braxton, Ph.D.
5. Accountability in Love, the Key to Boundaries Do these same church members and staff that are in conflict in the church behave this way at work, at home and in other organizations where boundaries and accountability DO exist? Probably not. Why? Because in a system WITH boundaries and accountability, this behavior would be stopped. We have not created a culture where our people exercise loving accountability and say, “Jose, we don’t talk to our pastor that way” or where the council says, “Yingi, we think you need to take a break or be removed from the council”. Our churches need to focus on loving accountability. How will we hold each other accountable for our behaviors and choices? What will that look like? Will a member/Pastor accept being held accountable and by whom? What might it look like for us to make amends?
So, what happens when boundaries are introduced into the system? It is likely people will “test” them and that there will be resistance. It is likely that the conflict will get worse before it gets better as conflict usually occurs at the edge of boundaries. What will be important is that the system learns how to hold boundaries and utilize that conflict so that something good can happen. God is in the business of restoration of individuals and organizations. He loves the Church and He loves each individual in it. He wants the system to be healthy.
Bottom Line: This means leaders at ALL levels will need to learn new skills in: creating healthy norms and dismantling unhealthy norms, establishing and holding boundaries, accountability, and uncovering and dealing with systemic issues. And, it must be done in a spirit of love and grace as the goal is personal and organizational transformation, not annihilation.
Step one of becoming a transformational church is starting with a healthy culture. Most every church, especially those NOT in conflict should uncover and deal with systemic issues and engage in creating healthy systems so that you CAN be used in mighty ways by God. A healthy church becomes a "safe place" to work in, “do life in” and transformative ministry in. Then you are ready to discern God’s vision for your church and step into it boldly!
As Dr. Henry Cloud says, “We get what we create and what we allow”. Create a healthy church. You’ll have more fun and you will create deeper transformation in everyone around you. You can do that!
